About our religion
Morgan Freemanism is a monotheistic religion, in which we believe in the one true god Morgan Freeman. Our religion is lead by 'The Elders of Freeman' Father Ben, Father Doffy and Father Bjorn, and the new elder Father Cornholio, whom we welcome as a fellow elder of our cul.. religion.
Our religion is a relatively new one, but at least it isn't based on a book that's thousands of years old and translated from a language that isn't 100% translatable. It is also not as intolerant as all the other religions, people of all shapes and colors are respected, as long as they follow the ways of the "Free-man". We're also the only religion that doesn't hate homosexuals and believes they should have exactly the same rights as everyone else.. except the cast members of "The Jersey Shore", Tom Cruise and John Travolta, they deserve no rights.
Have you ever wondered about the tough questions in life? How was the universe created? Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? What if I told you that the answers were right in front of our nose the whole time? The smooth talkin' freckle filled badass we all know and love; Morgan Freeman. He created the universe and we are here to follow the ways of the "Free man".. Which is also the meaning of life.
Just like any other religion, we also believe in the struggle between good and evil. To every ying there is a yang, and to every god there is a satan. Of course us freemanists know that Satan/The Devil/etc. is just a fictional character based on the true king of darkness and all evil.. Nicholas Cage. Nicholas Cage was created in a laboratory millions of years ago on the planet Smegma X by the evil professor Dr. Edward Jagov, Dr. Jagov was originally one of Morgan Freeman's angels, but Jagov started rebelling which made Morgan Freeman angry. The Almighty Morgan bitchslapped Jagov to oblivion, Morgan Freeman bitch slapped Jagov so hard that he fell down from heaven, and was never to return. To avenge Morgan Jagov created the single worst and most annoying actor to ever walk this planet. Still having superpowers from being a supreme being, Jagov gave Nicholas Cage the ability of getting any part he wanted, resulting in this shitty actor being in more movies than one could count.
Dr. Jagov later realized a power within his creation that he did not know. For every shitty movie his creation was in, and the more fame it got. The more powerful his creation became. After starring in a number of movies it became so powerful that it gained conciousness. It realized it wouldn't need Jagov anymore, and would only become more powerful without him. It killed Jagov. But in it's search for power it realized that no matter how powerful it became it couldn't become more powerful than the Almighty Freeman. Having gained soul sucking power from the movie "Face/Off" he started sucking people's souls out left and right. Morgan Freeman wouldn't allow it.
Morgan Freeman then threatned Nicholas Cage, told him to return the souls and stop what he was doing, or else he would make him powerless. Morgan made a deal with Nicholas Cage that he could continue to get souls, if he were to stay at "The Island of Douchebags" for all eternity so that all the evil souls would be sent to him there, to watch episodes of "the Jersey Shore" while Tom Cruise sits on their lap staring intensely while shoving bananas down his throat. Nicholas agreed and has ruled "The Island of Douchebags" ever since.
